I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Randomize
