I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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