Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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