she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
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I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
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then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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