i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Randomize
