don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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