FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
