To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
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I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
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She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
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