Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
