Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
