My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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