thus making me awesome and them whores
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Randomize
