she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
