We're like a lot better than the average bears
I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Randomize
