There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Randomize
