I got her a Nickelback box set.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
