We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
