I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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