if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
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