i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
