Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
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Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
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I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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