The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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