you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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