Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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