So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
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