like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
