i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
