Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
