when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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