im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
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