The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
