Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
