I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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