I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
