Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
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