i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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