Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
