Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Randomize
