Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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