Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I want to fling myself into the sun
Randomize
