Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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