my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
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