I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
