i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
