I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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