Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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