you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
