Is it normal to miss your booty call?
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize
