I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
