Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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