Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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