I met the friendliest cop last night
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
