I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
