You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
