If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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