Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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