I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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