I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
