dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
