it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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