All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
