It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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