We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
This beer is not sobering me up at all
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
