My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Your topless pictures make me question reality
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
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