It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
