i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
