i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize