You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
