i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
