So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
